The sweet mystery of spring

It seems that every spring is full of the strangest self exploration. The dark trips into my psyche often leave me desperately needing escape, and I find myself watching TV or reading in far larger amounts than I usually do. This is the time of year when I feel myself awakening from the slightly darker more introspective time of year. It is almost like I am being re-born.You know that feeling of life that you get when you've been too warm for awhile and you jump into a cold shower. Or that feeling you get when your muscles are just warmed up and you're hitting your stride and the world is in your grasp.The feeling preceeding that has slowly crept up on you, the lethargy, being too warm, losing control... you don't even know it's there until you awaken from it. This feeling is totally necessary to the awake and alive feeling.The world is a balance, at least emotionally, and all feelings of joy must be balanced at some point with feelings of despair. I curse and love this balance, and notice it far too frequently in myself. If I am feeling in the grips of ecstasy I know that I will soon feel in the grips of pain. If I am feeling in control and on top of the world, I will soon feel out of control, and filled with self doubt. Perhaps this is a construct of the self examination, or perhaps it was always there, and only became evident through self examination.
Sometimes I wish I was closer to bodhisattva, the state of neutrality and peace. Somedays I am glad I'm not.

Well... happy spring.